March 02, 2011

if it takes shit to make bliss then i feel pretty blissfully

everyone is going to die at some point. i'm trying hard to really wrap my head around this on a daily basis. it's the thought behind every happy moment shared with others in life, i think. some people choose not to look at it though. maybe they are the smart ones. or terribly unlucky. a little of both?

there are those that choose to only stare at it. no matter how good some other things may be, they just make contact with the opposite emotion hanging out in the back. and its hard to know if anything could ever really touch them.

and then there's me. where, no matter the topic, i am constantly bouncing my head back and forth between the two worlds. able to only feel a little of each, but never one fully. i remember moments of trying to lean towards one side but it seems like something keeps me from going there without creating a safe way to get out.

music of the moment if you're interested in joining me:

modest mouse (good news for people who love bad news)
smashing pumpkins (pisces iscariot)
joy division (and for that bands twin, new order)
the cure (everything)

it's all i can do to clear my mind and go about my day now. i know it will fade away with time. until then:

"my thoughts were so loud i couldn't hear my mouth"

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