tiny cities made of ashes

i feel as though my life definitely has that "rail car gone off track" kind of thing goin on. it's not a pleasant ride by any means right now and i've only myself to blame. it's time i start initiating some self discipline if i'm ever to make it on my own for good.

so more for myself than for the masses that i'm sure read this (riiiiiiiiiiiiight), i'm making a bit of a list. (i love lists)

• figure out where i'd like to go to college
  - does it really matter what i study? audio-video production or enviromental science. either would work for now. have a feeling i'll be going to school the rest of my life if possible. if i have an associates in audio-video production maybe enviromental science in a beautiful place will give me a nice break/different area to expand my options later? but what does an associates even mean these days? really...
  
  
• make as much money as i can while i'm not in school(without going insane)
  - i already have a fear that i will have some sort of mental breakdown working two jobs while not in school. that's how terrifying the thought of a life of retail is to me. it's enough to swallow while i'm working towards something that makes me happy but i've turned my cheek so often now that i'm starting to get dizzy and forget who i am. that said, i have to make sure that i pick up as much time from both jobs so i can begin to pay off this debt/start saving to get my own place.
  
  
• learn things.
  - geography-mapping, environmental science, weather, computer hardware, car maintenance, nutrition, traditional photography, a new craft. all of which i can learn about without being in school. yay for libraries! i just have to stop paying for late fees...
  
  
• make a portfolio
  - online website displaying all my work. stop being so critical about it all and just let it be what it is, comment on it/rework it if need be. but have a place to link to/somewhere people can go to look at what i've done and how i've evolved as an artist.